Saving Lily
by ChibiEtsu
Summary: Severus intended to end his life.But Dumbledore gives him a reason to live. Can he do what he needs to do to save his love? Will he loser again to herself? What would happen if his secret is found out? Can he keep it a secret. Rated M for suicidal themes.
1. Prolouge

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from Harry Potter.

Saving Lily...

Harry Potter

A/N: This chapter takes place a week after the murders at the Potters.

Chapter 1: Prologue

Severus Snape's POV.

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I stood in my house on Spinner's End, feeling a tremendous anguish within my chest. My heart was slowly breaking. I killed her...I was the reason she was dead.

She is...was my best friend...my one true love and I ended her life. My hands trembled; as I looked around my empty lifeless house.

My vision blurred and I felt the warm liquid slide down the flesh of my cheeks. My entire body slowly became racked with the sobs of my tortured heart and now pitch black soul.

Did I have the right to feel the way I did? Did i have the right to miss her this much? I had once been her best friend;until I betrayed her during our fifth year and we haven't spoken since. I am also by all rights her murder...I told him of her where abouts.

The tears ran down my long hooked nose; and I knew I had no right to cry but...I couldn't stop myself. My tears dripped on the floor as I felt myself falling.

My knees hit the floor as my body shivered. I then brought my trembling hands to my face and I sobbed hopelessly into my palms. I didn't deserve to live...I should be dead. So why?

Why am I the one left alive? He said she had called out for me...she was screaming my name. Had she known that I was the one who betrayed her for a second time?

I felt myself curl in to a submissive position on the floor. I had no right to live...I had taken her life...so isn't only fair that in penitence for what I have done; that I should take my own life in omissions for hers?

I lifted my head from the palms of my hands and the tears continued to fall. I looked towards the kitchen. I knew exactly how to end my life...I would use the Killing Curse. The same curse that he used, to end the life of my love.

I slowly attempted to climb to my feet to get too my wand. My legs gave out from my trembling and I found myself on the floor again. I sucked in a few ragged breathes in a pathetic attempt to calm my nerves well enough to stand.

After three or four more tries, I succeed and standing. I braced myself against the wall and used it for support; as I slide down the wall to the kitchen. There it is. I can see it now...my wand.

There on the table. I finally reached the doorway to the kitchen and rested a moment on the pane.

I felt that I could collapse at any moment. I slowly reached for my wand and braced myself on the table.

My trembling fingers wrapped themselves around my wand like they have done a thousand times before.

This will be the last time. With the last bit of strength I could muster, I pushed myself off the table.

I forced myself up onto the door pane once more as the tears continued to slide uncontrollably down my face and on to the floor. My body was again racked with terrible sobs.

"Lily," my voice was shivering and quite, "Lily, please...I love you...Lily...please Lily...please...forgive me...forgive me....Please...Lily."

With that I turned my wand on myself...

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Well...there u have it! Please be nice this is my first Harry Potter fic. R&R Hope you enjoyed it.


	2. A Reason To Live

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from the Harry Potter Series.

Harry Potter

Saving Lily...

Chapter 2: A Reason To Live

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My trembling fingers wrapped themselves around my wand like they have done a thousand times before.

This will be the last time. With the last bit of strength I could muster, I pushed myself off the table.

I force myself up onto the door pane once more as the tears continue to slide uncontrollably down my face and on to the floor. My body is again racked with terrible sobs.

"Lily," my voice was shivering and quite, "Lily, please...I love you...Lily...please Lily...please...forgive me...forgive me....Please...Lily."

With that I turned my wand on myself...

However, before I could utter a syllable of the curse that would have ended; my painful and now pointless life, there was a knock at my door. I honestly had no intention of answering. I slowly parted my lips to speak the words that would end my agonizing life but the knock came again.

A voice then called out to me,"Severus."

I sighed deeply. There was no way I could end my pain... not with him here. The voice belonged to none other then the Head Master of Hogwarts himself. Albus Dombledore.

I sat on the floor hoping that if I remained, silent and unmoving, that he would depart. Deep down I knew the chances of him leaving, before speaking to me was slim to none.

"Severus," Albus called again from behind the wood door. "Severus, please, I need to speak with you. It's a matter of all urgency."

I heard him sigh. He would begone within a few more moments, I was almost sure. "It's about Lily, Severus."

With those four words my entire body went numb. My tears flowed with a new devastation...something within me snapped. What about Lily?

Lily was dead...it was my fault! WHAT MORE COULD BE SAID ABOUT LILY! I released a loud cry of agony and began to scream the curse, "AVADA..."

"SEVERUS," Albus Dumbledore suddenly apparated before me, "STOP!" My hands trembled so much that I dropped my wand. My wand landed with a uncommonly loud clank onto the floor. I couldn't nothing, but look at my wand, as if it had betrayed me.

"Severus," Albus spoke gently too me as if he knew all of my pain, "You cant. That wont help."

"It will!," I protested as I brought my hand to my chest and clinched the cloth of my gray shirt in a tight fist, "It has too."

Dumbledore looked down at me with a expression of complete sympathy. "DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!," I screamed. I couldn't bare it...I didn't deserve sympathy from anyone. Especially, Albus Dumbledore.

"Why not Severus?" he said slowly, "Are you not in pain?" "I don't deserve it! I...I killed her...I...I..."

It was as if I could hear the last piece of my heart hit the floor. My mind became over taken by rage and madness. "YOU" I roared, "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HER! I TRUSTED YOU TO KEEP HER SAFE!"

I jumped to my feet within moments and had him slammed up against the all. My fury swelled inside me from no where. I suddenly hated this man before me with every fiber of my being.

Both of my fingers curled themselves around the fabric of Dumbledore's robes. "I TRUSTED YOU!"

He never flinched. He only kept this look of pity on his face.

"Severus", he spoke with all gentility in his voice, " I know you're hurting..."

"You know!?" I spat in rage, "How could you? You have no idea what this feels like!"

He only looked at me with such an expression of sorrow that I could do nothing but glare. I had every intention of striking him. I however, could not. My rage disintegrated by this man's gaze. It washed away as fast as it came.

I collapsed at his feet and the tears once again spilled over my eyes. "Why?" I whispered meekly, "Why? I don't have a reason to live now. Please just go and let me do what I desire."

He knelt down beside me and placed his hands on my shoulders, "Come with me."

I only looked up at him; the tears from my soul, dripped onto gray shirt. "Please, just go." my voice was pleading, "Leave me to my own vices...I beg you."

"Come with me, Severus," he said again as he pulled me up to my feet.

I looked at him a moment before I dropped my gaze to the floor. I spoke in barely a whisper, " I have nothing left to give. I..."

"If you come with me," he spoke softly. I felt myself falling, but this time my knees, did not collide with the floor. Instead, I found my arm around Dumbledore's neck, and his arm around my waist. He was the reason...the only reason... I was still standing.

He looked at me as I stared blurry eyed at the floor, "I can give you a reason to live."

With that I let him lead me out of my kitchen. At that moment...I had finally gone entirely numb....

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Well here it is guys. I hope this chapter is good. I may rewrite it a little later. Until then read and review. Please NO FLAMES. Thanks guys! ^_^


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